What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
