I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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