Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
