EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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