Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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