She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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