I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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