Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
