hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize