It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
