I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
