I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The power of my boobs compel you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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