There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
