btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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