having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
