Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
