If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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