you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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