guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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