yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
