True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize