SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
