Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize