Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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