i just sent this text using only my big toe
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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