I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
