WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
