He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
