Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
