did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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