I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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