you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
