i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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