He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
