sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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