He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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