I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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