this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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