Duck Duck Cougar?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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