I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
