Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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