i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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