I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
