I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
