Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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