I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
