You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You made out with two different species that night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
