Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
