i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
