I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was CRYING into my vagina
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
