The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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