hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize