guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
