driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
