Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize