dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I just put wine in my tea
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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