took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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