she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
