so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
