I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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