I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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