i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
