so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
