u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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