i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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