Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
