you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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