wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
